Date: 12th March, 2018
Route: Victoria Island- Ajah
Photo credit: Kappit
*Lai skin here refers to Light skinned*
So this ‘lai’ skin girl gets on the bus and she’s spoiling for a fight. She insists on paying 200 Naira even when she heard the fare was 250 Naira. The driver seems to be in a good mood and quickly sorts out the ish by telling her he has change for 1000 naira and 200 naira will not be accepted. She pays 250 and gets her 750 balance.
Unknown that there is another ‘Lai’ skin girl on the bus. As she approaches her bus stop, she starts telling the conductor to sort her out and give her her 250 naira balance. Shortly after, another Lady gets on the bus and the conductor hammers into her ears that if she doesn’t have change of 100 naira, she shouldn’t get in. She says okay and gets on the bus.
We approach the ‘lai’ skin Lady’s bus stop and the 100 Naira aunty also alights. Apparently, the 100 naira aunty paid 500 naira after all the warning. The conductor ties them together giving them a balance of 650naira (500, 100 and 50 naira notes)
Aunty ‘lai’ skin vexed o! And threw her three bags on the bus then jumps back in. (Yeah, Ladies here sometimes carry more than one bag: one as the general fashion handbag; one as the food bag and one as the makeup and shoes bag).
Aunty lai skin- you dey find trouble abi? why you no give me my change before?
Conductor- Driver carry am dey go jare! Make I see if she no go drop.
Aunty lai skin- I no go drop o! I go show you pepper today! Go and find my change. Shey me and her enter bus together? why you tie us together?
Conductor– No change! You no see where we dey?where you wan make i find change?
Passengers- Conductor, give her her change na, make we dey go! Driver you no get change ni?
Driver– Change no dey o! Na only 200 naira dey here.
Passengers- Aunty calm down na… sorry, abeg help am collect it like that. We are just trying to make peace so we can be on our way.
Aunty Lai skin- The person you are trying to make peace for, Is he peaceful?
Conductor- Go find change na aunty! Why you come dey do anyhow?
Aunty Lai skin– It be like say you dey craze. You wan try me abi?
Driver– (searches his pocket and brings out 250, then gives aunty lai skin). Bye Bye!
Aunty Lai skin– Thank you! (turns to conductor)- na God save you today. No dey try me o!
Conductor– Were (Mad person)! see as she be
(Aunty Lai Skin walks away. Driver is about to move then notices aunty 100 naira is still standing there. He faces her)
Driver- How much is your change?
Aunty 100 naira- Looks at Conductor.
Driver– (Yells at her)– I say how much is your change o?
Aunty 100 naira– Are you ok? No dey shout at me o!
Conductor– Her change na 400 naira (faces her)- no be you i talk say make you no enter if you no get change?
Passengers- Yes, you told her. Shebi he told you!
Aunty 100 naira- Sha give me my change!
Driver- Change no dey!
Irritated male Passenger- Abeg comot her money from my own and give her her 500 naira make we dey go.
(Driver suddenly brings out two 200 naira notes from his pocket , gives her and then we start moving)
Male Passenger- Na wa o! So you get change, Driver! You dey save am for your wedding day?
All passengers start laughing at the driver.
Driver- Na wa o! na so so woman full road today sef. Next time, I no go dey pick woman for closing hour again especially the ones wey yellow.
Female Passengers- why you no go pick us?
Driver– You no see as that one dey ready for trouble? she wan beat my conductor sef. See as she be like Ogbanje(someone plagued with an evil spirit) Na why I dey find change give am be that.
Male passenger– Laughs… Ogbanje for where? So fear dey catch you?
Driver-Yes o! Fear catch me o. Make she no drag me and my conductor go ocean.
Conductor- Drag me go where? Me wey I fit beat am. I don beat soldier before at Ikeja.
Male Passenger- Uniform Soldier?
Conductor- I beat am well, well, and I come run go meet my driver for Egbeda. No o, he no wear Uniform.
Male Passenger- How you come take know say na soldier?
Conductor- Na when he wan drag me go barracks and him other ones come show,na den I sabi come run comot.
Male passenger- So you get fear like this?
Conductor– Ah! Me i run o!
Driver- Change no dey again o! If any of you like when they tie you together, make you no collect. Na police station I go drop you!
(Finally, we arrive Ajah and as usual, we were all tied together; the annoying part was that he never told us from the point of entry that he didn’t have change except for aunty 100 naira).